1
00:00:00,891 --> 00:00:03,789
Okay, kiddos, and that's
the end of "Titanic."

2
00:00:03,891 --> 00:00:05,324
Time for bed. Go brush your teeth.

3
00:00:05,393 --> 00:00:06,475
- Night.
- Night, guys.

4
00:00:06,561 --> 00:00:08,544
I love that movie. What a fun boat.

5
00:00:09,730 --> 00:00:11,564
Oh, it's late.

6
00:00:11,649 --> 00:00:12,965
- Good night, babe.
- Mm.

7
00:00:13,050 --> 00:00:15,935
Guess it's that time.

8
00:00:17,405 --> 00:00:18,777
See you tomorrow, sweetie.

9
00:00:19,895 --> 00:00:23,826
And... home.

10
00:00:23,878 --> 00:00:26,262
Wow. It only took you 56 minutes

11
00:00:26,314 --> 00:00:28,847
from saying good night to
your head hitting the pillow.

12
00:00:28,916 --> 00:00:30,716
Down from an hour, we're
getting better at this.

13
00:00:30,801 --> 00:00:32,017
This is nuts, woman.

14
00:00:32,103 --> 00:00:33,702
Why can't you just spend
the night at Ben's?

15
00:00:33,738 --> 00:00:34,920
Because spending the night
with the kids there

16
00:00:35,006 --> 00:00:36,438
is a huge step for them.

17
00:00:36,474 --> 00:00:37,573
You know what's a huge step?

18
00:00:37,608 --> 00:00:38,958
His house to yours.

19
00:00:39,043 --> 00:00:41,510
Not to mention you refuse
to stop at Wiener Circle,

20
00:00:41,596 --> 00:00:42,811
no matter how loudly I demand it.

21
00:00:42,847 --> 00:00:44,363
I know, it's exhausting,

22
00:00:44,448 --> 00:00:45,931
but I can make it work.

23
00:00:46,017 --> 00:00:47,640
When the time is right for
me to sleep over, I will.

24
00:00:47,711 --> 00:00:50,419
There's no rush.
Now let's get some shuteye.

25
00:00:57,028 --> 00:00:59,762
Is that how you always sleep?
That is so weird.

26
00:00:59,847 --> 00:01:02,615
Oh, this is the least weird
thing I do when I sleep.

27
00:01:03,968 --> 00:01:05,334
<i>This is Alice.</i>

28
00:01:05,420 --> 00:01:07,803
<i>When she was a kid, she
dreamed up me to be her BFF.</i>

29
00:01:07,839 --> 00:01:10,172
<i>Now my girl has finally fallen in love,</i>

30
00:01:10,225 --> 00:01:12,842
<i>but she's in way over her head,
so I'm back to help.</i>

31
00:01:12,894 --> 00:01:14,594
I've got this all figured out.

32
00:01:14,679 --> 00:01:16,312
- No, you don't.
- No, I don't.

33
00:01:16,347 --> 00:01:17,897
Synced and corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com

34
00:01:17,982 --> 00:01:20,182
Our numbers are down, in part,
due to the concussions sustained

35
00:01:20,235 --> 00:01:21,817
by many of our football clientele.

36
00:01:21,853 --> 00:01:23,163
However, I believe

37
00:01:23,187 --> 00:01:24,530
- we can increase our presence...
- Wake up!

38
00:01:24,531 --> 00:01:26,255
- in the following areas... badminton...
- Snap out of it!

39
00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:27,607
Hey, Alice, wake up, girl.

40
00:01:27,692 --> 00:01:29,992
This is your business. Ugh, damn it.

41
00:01:30,028 --> 00:01:32,912
Gonna have to break out the big
booty shake. Don't make me do it.

42
00:01:32,997 --> 00:01:35,865
Here it is. Get some of this.

43
00:01:35,917 --> 00:01:37,533
Unh, unh! Get it! Yeah!

44
00:01:37,619 --> 00:01:39,118
Look at the back meat jiggle.

45
00:01:39,203 --> 00:01:40,453
Alice, any thoughts?

46
00:01:40,538 --> 00:01:42,538
Oh, yeah, let's do this.

47
00:01:42,624 --> 00:01:44,371
Great!

48
00:01:44,492 --> 00:01:46,692
I know that you'll be very happy
with what some might consider

49
00:01:46,762 --> 00:01:48,562
a dangerously controversial decision.

50
00:01:48,613 --> 00:01:49,829
You have no idea what
you're agreeing to!

51
00:01:49,914 --> 00:01:51,080
Bail, we need to bail.

52
00:01:51,115 --> 00:01:52,582
Okay!

53
00:01:52,617 --> 00:01:55,034
On second thought, let's take five, huh?

54
00:01:58,623 --> 00:01:59,789
- Harder.
- Oh.

55
00:01:59,841 --> 00:02:01,374
- Harder. Come on.
- Oh.

56
00:02:01,459 --> 00:02:02,542
- Ah!
- There you go.

57
00:02:02,627 --> 00:02:05,461
Okay, maybe you're right.
I got to ask Ben

58
00:02:05,513 --> 00:02:06,679
if I can spend the night
when the kids are home.

59
00:02:06,764 --> 00:02:07,964
It's a step forward,

60
00:02:08,049 --> 00:02:09,765
and that guy loves steps forward.

61
00:02:09,801 --> 00:02:11,884
It's Christmas and his birthday
all wrapped up in one.

62
00:02:11,970 --> 00:02:13,302
Well, that settles it, we're doing it.

63
00:02:13,388 --> 00:02:15,855
Beardo's gonna cry rainbow tears of joy.

64
00:02:15,940 --> 00:02:17,273
I have some bad news.

65
00:02:17,308 --> 00:02:18,774
Did Grandpa die again?

66
00:02:18,810 --> 00:02:20,476
Weird, but no.

67
00:02:20,528 --> 00:02:21,861
Alice is spending the night.

68
00:02:21,886 --> 00:02:22,928
- Sleepover!
- Sweet.

69
00:02:22,953 --> 00:02:24,647
- Cool.
- Dad, how is that bad news?

70
00:02:24,699 --> 00:02:25,815
Yeah, I was starting
to think she's, like,

71
00:02:25,867 --> 00:02:28,401
- a born-again virgin.
- Thank you, Dora.

72
00:02:28,486 --> 00:02:30,870
It's good news
that Alice is sleeping over,

73
00:02:30,955 --> 00:02:32,321
the bad news is you.

74
00:02:32,407 --> 00:02:33,456
- Huh?
- What?

75
00:02:33,491 --> 00:02:35,791
Well, I mean, you guys are
the greatest during the day.

76
00:02:35,827 --> 00:02:37,326
But at night you're basically,

77
00:02:37,412 --> 00:02:39,328
hmm, how do I put it? The worst.

78
00:02:39,380 --> 00:02:40,496
Yay!

79
00:02:40,582 --> 00:02:42,582
No, no, not a "yay" moment, Bun.

80
00:02:42,667 --> 00:02:45,001
Between the three of you,
I'm easily up 10 times a night.

81
00:02:45,053 --> 00:02:47,837
If Alice experiences that,
she'll never return.

82
00:02:47,922 --> 00:02:49,922
10 times? Pfft. No, no way.

83
00:02:50,008 --> 00:02:52,316
Yes way, I'm constantly
in your room because you snore

84
00:02:52,341 --> 00:02:53,509
like a freight train
and I got to flip you.

85
00:02:53,561 --> 00:02:55,811
So tonight you're wearing
your sleep-apnea mask.

86
00:02:55,897 --> 00:02:58,297
Uh, pass, no, I'm not gonna
look like a total dork

87
00:02:58,383 --> 00:03:01,367
- at Alice's first sleepover.
- I respect that.

88
00:03:01,452 --> 00:03:02,451
But can you at least sleep on your side?

89
00:03:02,537 --> 00:03:04,553
I'll try, but I got no promises.

90
00:03:04,606 --> 00:03:06,105
I can't control how I sleep.

91
00:03:06,190 --> 00:03:07,540
Though I can control my dreams.

92
00:03:07,625 --> 00:03:11,144
I can fly and kiss ladies,
and then it gets private.

93
00:03:11,169 --> 00:03:13,195
Okay, keep it to yourself,
you freak show.

94
00:03:13,248 --> 00:03:14,847
And, Dora, no more
horror movies before bed.

95
00:03:14,933 --> 00:03:16,232
They make you sleepwalk into my room

96
00:03:16,267 --> 00:03:17,650
in the middle of night, babbling about

97
00:03:17,735 --> 00:03:19,001
some terrifying nightmare.

98
00:03:19,037 --> 00:03:20,836
Okay, fine. I'll... I'll only watch

99
00:03:20,905 --> 00:03:22,772
the early "Saw" movies.

100
00:03:22,807 --> 00:03:24,624
They're... They're much
tamer with the beheadings.

101
00:03:24,709 --> 00:03:26,713
Yeah, or maybe just
switch it up. Try a comedy.

102
00:03:26,738 --> 00:03:28,416
Plenty of inappropriate comedies.

103
00:03:28,441 --> 00:03:30,780
And finally, Bunny.

104
00:03:30,878 --> 00:03:33,349
- My sweet little baby.
- Love you, Daddy.

105
00:03:33,434 --> 00:03:34,667
Aww.

106
00:03:34,752 --> 00:03:36,836
You're the worst of them all.
No more calling me at night

107
00:03:36,921 --> 00:03:40,206
to flip your pillow or get you water
or take you to the potty.

108
00:03:40,291 --> 00:03:42,037
Hey, we both knew this party
had to end sometime, right?

109
00:03:42,062 --> 00:03:43,263
I had a good run.

110
00:03:43,288 --> 00:03:44,610
So we agree.

111
00:03:44,696 --> 00:03:46,329
When Alice is here, you will all act

112
00:03:46,414 --> 00:03:49,815
like regular, normal humans
who sleep through the night.

113
00:03:51,792 --> 00:03:53,860
And if you do this,
I will give you each $20.

114
00:03:53,885 --> 00:03:56,712
Yeah!

115
00:03:59,984 --> 00:04:03,702
Well, it's bedtime for me.

116
00:04:03,754 --> 00:04:05,888
Night, Papa.

117
00:04:05,973 --> 00:04:07,189
Good night, Miss Alice.

118
00:04:07,274 --> 00:04:08,907
Night, Bunny-bear.

119
00:04:08,993 --> 00:04:10,242
Mwah.

120
00:04:10,294 --> 00:04:11,927
You gonna read her a book or something?

121
00:04:12,012 --> 00:04:14,480
Nah, she's heard it all
before... Good night moon.

122
00:04:14,565 --> 00:04:16,165
Good night all the other crap
in the room.

123
00:04:16,250 --> 00:04:17,800
Blah, blah. She's so easy. One sec.

124
00:04:17,885 --> 00:04:19,268
- You!
- Nothing!

125
00:04:20,037 --> 00:04:21,370
Okay...

126
00:04:21,455 --> 00:04:22,921
...enjoy watching...

127
00:04:22,973 --> 00:04:24,139
"Sausage Party."

128
00:04:24,225 --> 00:04:25,607
You're letting her watch
"Sausage Party"?

129
00:04:25,693 --> 00:04:26,775
It's a modern classic.

130
00:04:26,861 --> 00:04:28,093
And it's downloading right now.

131
00:04:28,129 --> 00:04:30,446
Man, I just rocked the kettle bells

132
00:04:30,531 --> 00:04:31,780
on my Wii CrossFit game.

133
00:04:31,866 --> 00:04:35,134
Gosh, my delts are on fire!

134
00:04:35,219 --> 00:04:37,069
I'm gonna hit the hay pretty hard

135
00:04:37,104 --> 00:04:38,203
and sleep like a ton of bricks.

136
00:04:38,272 --> 00:04:39,321
On your side,

137
00:04:39,390 --> 00:04:41,840
which is your favorite
sleeping position.

138
00:04:41,892 --> 00:04:43,025
Night, happy and quiet children.

139
00:04:43,110 --> 00:04:44,743
I will see you at 7:00 and no earlier.

140
00:04:44,829 --> 00:04:46,478
This is weird. You're all acting weird.

141
00:04:46,514 --> 00:04:48,013
I'm not weird, you're weird. Pfft!

142
00:04:48,098 --> 00:04:49,948
Why are people saying "weird" so much?

143
00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:52,217
A-Dogg. Give me the skinny.

144
00:04:52,303 --> 00:04:54,052
- Andy?
- I'm sorry.

145
00:04:54,104 --> 00:04:55,888
She called me "A-Dogg." I've
been waiting so long for this.

146
00:04:55,956 --> 00:04:58,173
Here's the deal, A-Train...

147
00:04:58,259 --> 00:04:59,858
Don't you do it, A-Dogg.

148
00:04:59,910 --> 00:05:01,660
Dad thinks we suck at night,
so he paid us all $20

149
00:05:01,735 --> 00:05:04,055
to act normal so that you
don't desert us forever.

150
00:05:04,125 --> 00:05:06,265
What?

151
00:05:06,300 --> 00:05:08,750
No, no, he's, uh... Yeah, I did that.

152
00:05:08,836 --> 00:05:11,253
Okay, you don't have to bribe
your children, I'm fine.

153
00:05:11,338 --> 00:05:12,671
I got this. I know how kids are.

154
00:05:12,756 --> 00:05:14,690
Oh, no, you know the day children.

155
00:05:14,775 --> 00:05:16,742
But the night ones?
It's like that movie "Gremlins."

156
00:05:16,827 --> 00:05:18,727
They're all cute and cuddly,
but around midnight

157
00:05:18,812 --> 00:05:20,195
they turn into monsters.

158
00:05:20,281 --> 00:05:21,446
Uh, technically,
the mogwai don't turn evil

159
00:05:21,482 --> 00:05:22,714
unless fed after midnight.

160
00:05:22,750 --> 00:05:27,986
Kids, you do not have
to pretend around me.

161
00:05:28,022 --> 00:05:29,838
Tonight, just be yourselves.

162
00:05:29,924 --> 00:05:31,640
What a terrible thing to say.

163
00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:35,844
Okay, kids, be yourselves.

164
00:05:35,930 --> 00:05:37,846
- Yes!
- Hey, Bunny,

165
00:05:37,932 --> 00:05:39,114
Dad said we can be ourselves tonight.

166
00:05:39,183 --> 00:05:40,832
Yay!

167
00:05:40,885 --> 00:05:43,602
I was feeling so stifled.

168
00:05:43,637 --> 00:05:46,371
Okay, Bun, let's start
your bedtime routine.

169
00:05:46,407 --> 00:05:47,706
Go pick out six to nine books.

170
00:05:47,775 --> 00:05:49,775
- That's a lot of books.
- Yep.

171
00:05:49,810 --> 00:05:52,394
Then I kiss all her
stuffed animals good night,

172
00:05:52,479 --> 00:05:54,513
do a bedtime dance, and sing
a short medley from Cats.

173
00:05:54,548 --> 00:05:55,847
See you in an hour.

174
00:05:55,900 --> 00:05:58,650
Dad, there's a shadow that's scaring me!

175
00:06:03,057 --> 00:06:05,107
Dad, my pillow's too hot! Come flip it!

176
00:06:06,627 --> 00:06:09,561
Dad! I need water!

177
00:06:10,898 --> 00:06:12,414
Dad, my water's empty!

178
00:06:12,499 --> 00:06:15,183
Dad! Dad!

179
00:06:15,269 --> 00:06:17,236
Dad-uh!

180
00:06:19,210 --> 00:06:20,755
Dad!

181
00:06:23,177 --> 00:06:24,593
I'm so sorry.

182
00:06:24,678 --> 00:06:26,828
No, it's all good.

183
00:06:26,914 --> 00:06:30,515
Lucky for you, we can still sleep for...

184
00:06:30,568 --> 00:06:34,586
three more hours? God!

185
00:06:34,622 --> 00:06:36,421
Earthquake!

186
00:06:36,507 --> 00:06:38,523
I wish. That's Andy.

187
00:06:38,609 --> 00:06:41,793
No. No way.

188
00:06:41,862 --> 00:06:44,096
That is clearly a
gas-powered leaf blower,

189
00:06:44,181 --> 00:06:45,647
not a human boy.

190
00:06:45,733 --> 00:06:47,749
Only way it'll stop is to flip him.

191
00:06:47,835 --> 00:06:49,501
- Is that a snow shovel?
- Yep.

192
00:06:49,553 --> 00:06:51,486
The trick is not to wake him

193
00:06:51,572 --> 00:06:54,072
or else the cycle starts all over again.

194
00:06:54,124 --> 00:06:57,175
Hmm, got some comments, some concerns.

195
00:06:57,211 --> 00:06:59,011
Not now, I got to sleep.

196
00:06:59,046 --> 00:07:01,980
So, you know how this
whole thing was my idea?

197
00:07:02,066 --> 00:07:03,949
Yeah, I take it back and now suggest

198
00:07:04,034 --> 00:07:06,351
get in the car and drive
and never look back!

199
00:07:06,387 --> 00:07:08,487
It's just the first night,
it's got to get better.

200
00:07:08,522 --> 00:07:11,156
- There's a man in my room.
- What?

201
00:07:11,241 --> 00:07:12,457
He's got a crispy burnt face

202
00:07:12,509 --> 00:07:14,126
- and he's here to get me.
- Oh, my God, Ben!

203
00:07:14,211 --> 00:07:15,394
Aah! I knew this is how we'd die!

204
00:07:15,429 --> 00:07:16,812
I knew it!

205
00:07:16,897 --> 00:07:18,030
There's somebody in Dora's room.

206
00:07:18,115 --> 00:07:19,748
He's got knives for fingers.

207
00:07:19,833 --> 00:07:22,968
Oh, no, that's Freddy Krueger.
She sleepwalks

208
00:07:23,020 --> 00:07:25,687
and comes into my room at night
when she has nightmares.

209
00:07:25,773 --> 00:07:26,831
It's okay, back to bed, honey.

210
00:07:26,878 --> 00:07:31,361
- It's just a dream.
- ♪ One, two, Freddy's coming for you ♪

211
00:07:31,447 --> 00:07:32,644
Don't worry.

212
00:07:32,730 --> 00:07:34,646
It usually dies down around 4:00.

213
00:07:34,732 --> 00:07:36,698
Usually?

214
00:07:38,819 --> 00:07:41,236
Oop! Andy rolled on his back again.

215
00:07:41,322 --> 00:07:42,988
- Okay.
- Dad!

216
00:07:43,073 --> 00:07:45,624
I drank too much water
and now I have to go potty!

217
00:07:45,659 --> 00:07:48,377
Okay, you deal with Bunny,
I'll snow-shovel Andy.

218
00:07:48,462 --> 00:07:51,239
- Thanks, babe. Love you.
- Yeah.

219
00:07:51,264 --> 00:07:53,131
You know what you
should do with that shovel?

220
00:07:53,186 --> 00:07:54,317
Bury him!

221
00:07:54,679 --> 00:07:58,180
That's it. Down the hatch.

222
00:07:58,250 --> 00:07:59,266
How do you feel?

223
00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:01,393
Still dead inside.

224
00:08:01,479 --> 00:08:03,462
That was the longest night of my life.

225
00:08:03,497 --> 00:08:06,448
No offense to your people,
but those kids are monsters.

226
00:08:06,534 --> 00:08:08,317
Are the monsters to blame here?

227
00:08:08,402 --> 00:08:11,437
Or is it the crazy Dr. Frankenstein
who created them?

228
00:08:11,522 --> 00:08:13,122
You follow?

229
00:08:13,207 --> 00:08:14,757
Hang on. I thought Frankenstein
was the monster.

230
00:08:14,825 --> 00:08:16,308
No, Frankenstein was the doctor's name.

231
00:08:16,393 --> 00:08:18,193
Look, point is, this is on Ben.

232
00:08:18,262 --> 00:08:19,411
He coddles those kids.

233
00:08:19,463 --> 00:08:21,630
They wouldn't be
so needy if he didn't jump

234
00:08:21,699 --> 00:08:23,782
every time they called, snored,
or quoted Freddy Krueger.

235
00:08:23,834 --> 00:08:25,384
They do seem a little pampered.

236
00:08:25,419 --> 00:08:26,969
A little? He fluffs their pillows,

237
00:08:27,037 --> 00:08:28,871
brings them drinks...
he's their bearded butler.

238
00:08:28,956 --> 00:08:30,539
Should I say something?

239
00:08:30,624 --> 00:08:32,614
Baby, If you see something, say something.

240
00:08:32,638 --> 00:08:33,693
Good point.

241
00:08:33,694 --> 00:08:37,279
Wait, if Frankenstein is the doctor,
then what's the monster's name?

242
00:08:37,364 --> 00:08:39,114
Gary. Not a lot of people know that.

243
00:08:39,200 --> 00:08:40,532
Oop, you're on.

244
00:08:40,568 --> 00:08:42,634
Okay, so that was a nightmare

245
00:08:42,670 --> 00:08:44,186
that included a nightmare,

247
00:08:45,606 --> 00:08:47,105
- which is my nightmare.
- It's fine.

248
00:08:47,191 --> 00:08:49,041
You promised me hell, and you delivered.

249
00:08:49,126 --> 00:08:50,427
It just makes me trust you more.

250
00:08:50,498 --> 00:08:53,149
But... Forget it.

251
00:08:53,184 --> 00:08:55,618
No, no, no, please. Go ahead.

252
00:08:55,653 --> 00:08:58,604
It's just, you're really
there for the kids,

253
00:08:58,690 --> 00:09:01,157
which is sweet, but...

254
00:09:01,242 --> 00:09:04,093
you're really there for them.

255
00:09:04,179 --> 00:09:07,063
I know, but that's parenting.

256
00:09:07,115 --> 00:09:08,715
They need you,
and you're there for them.

257
00:09:08,800 --> 00:09:10,299
You get up a lot.

258
00:09:10,335 --> 00:09:11,651
Like, a lot-lot.

259
00:09:11,736 --> 00:09:15,421
Hey, I don't make the parent rules,
I just live by them.

260
00:09:15,507 --> 00:09:18,224
Any parent will tell you
the same sad story, babe.

261
00:09:18,309 --> 00:09:21,027
We should ask somebody else.
That cannot be right.

262
00:09:22,380 --> 00:09:23,980
- Uh, you wanted to see me?
- Yes, yes.

263
00:09:24,015 --> 00:09:26,015
Thank you for coming, Megan,
I really need to talk to you.

264
00:09:26,101 --> 00:09:27,500
Can I ask you a question?

265
00:09:27,585 --> 00:09:29,118
I know this is about the discrepancies

267
00:09:31,272 --> 00:09:32,905
I will track down the missing money.

268
00:09:32,991 --> 00:09:34,957
What? No, this is not about that.

269
00:09:35,043 --> 00:09:37,143
'Cause it's a lot of money.
Like a crazy amount.

270
00:09:38,563 --> 00:09:40,780
I need to ask you a mom question.

271
00:09:40,865 --> 00:09:42,298
I know you love your kids,

272
00:09:42,350 --> 00:09:44,784
but do they, like, suck at night?

273
00:09:44,869 --> 00:09:47,620
Well, it's like this.

274
00:09:47,705 --> 00:09:49,889
Children are vicious leeches
created to steal sleep

275
00:09:49,974 --> 00:09:51,240
and ruin your body.

276
00:09:51,292 --> 00:09:54,260
Yeah, but you're a parent
and you're always well-rested.

277
00:09:54,345 --> 00:09:55,111
How do you do it?

278
00:09:57,582 --> 00:09:59,632
Welcome to The Oasis.

279
00:09:59,717 --> 00:10:01,885
It's a secret I share
with Joanne from HR

280
00:10:01,910 --> 00:10:03,675
and Lisa in Synergy, who has triplets.

281
00:10:05,089 --> 00:10:07,406
This is our tranquil respite.

282
00:10:07,492 --> 00:10:08,825
It's a storage room.

283
00:10:08,910 --> 00:10:09,959
Is it?

284
00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:17,300
Sign up sheet's here. Have at it.

285
00:10:17,352 --> 00:10:19,652
Wait, so you all sleep on the job?

286
00:10:19,737 --> 00:10:21,037
In a sense, no.

287
00:10:21,105 --> 00:10:23,940
But in a more true sense, yes.
All the time.

288
00:10:23,975 --> 00:10:25,308
Please don't fire me.

289
00:10:25,393 --> 00:10:28,461
It's like a cloud.

290
00:10:28,530 --> 00:10:30,263
I knew you were dating a guy with kids,

291
00:10:30,348 --> 00:10:31,814
but I didn't realize he has a baby.

292
00:10:31,900 --> 00:10:33,649
Well, I wouldn't really
call them babies.

293
00:10:33,735 --> 00:10:36,903
I mean, they are whiny,
but they're 16, 15, and 6.

294
00:10:36,988 --> 00:10:38,321
- Months?
- Years.

295
00:10:46,181 --> 00:10:49,365
And we're laughing so hard 'cause, why?

296
00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:52,001
'Cause this is where moms
with newborns sleep.

297
00:10:52,086 --> 00:10:55,071
Lisa, Joanne, and I, we all have babies.

298
00:10:55,156 --> 00:10:57,456
So, like "wah-wah" poopie babies?

299
00:10:57,542 --> 00:11:00,476
Yeah, like "wah-wah" poopie babies.

300
00:11:00,562 --> 00:11:02,712
So their behavior is not normal?

301
00:11:02,747 --> 00:11:03,880
Oh, honey.

302
00:11:03,915 --> 00:11:06,098
You're screwed!

303
00:11:10,038 --> 00:11:11,888
We should fire her
right before Christmas.

304
00:11:11,973 --> 00:11:14,190
More importantly, Beardo is a softy.

305
00:11:14,225 --> 00:11:15,491
Those rug rats are playing him.

306
00:11:15,543 --> 00:11:17,426
So what am I gonna do about this?

307
00:11:17,462 --> 00:11:20,663
You're gonna do what you do best.
You're gonna fix it.

308
00:11:20,698 --> 00:11:21,864
You're right.

309
00:11:21,916 --> 00:11:23,883
I can fix it. I'm a fixer.

310
00:11:23,968 --> 00:11:25,801
Yeah! Let's do this!

311
00:11:25,870 --> 00:11:28,421
I will, after a little power nap.

312
00:11:28,506 --> 00:11:30,156
Ooh, wait for me! Ooh! Yeah!

313
00:11:30,241 --> 00:11:31,307
Oh, remind...

314
00:11:37,148 --> 00:11:38,197
Hello.

315
00:11:38,283 --> 00:11:40,166
Ooh, what's in the bag?

316
00:11:40,251 --> 00:11:42,134
The solution to all of your problems.

317
00:11:42,220 --> 00:11:44,437
Ooh, one of those home soda machines?

318
00:11:44,522 --> 00:11:46,822
- Screw you, store-bought cola.
- No, but noted. Okay.

319
00:11:46,908 --> 00:11:48,574
We have acknowledged that there
are issues with your kids

320
00:11:48,660 --> 00:11:51,027
sleeping at night,
and I'm going to fix it.

321
00:11:51,062 --> 00:11:52,966
- Al, you can't just...
- Starting with you.

322
00:11:53,005 --> 00:11:54,059
Ooh, something for me?

323
00:11:54,091 --> 00:11:57,600
This is a therapeutic sleep mask,

324
00:11:57,652 --> 00:12:00,369
and these are
noise-canceling headphones.

325
00:12:00,405 --> 00:12:01,587
Trust me.

326
00:12:03,041 --> 00:12:04,690
I can't see, I can't hear.

327
00:12:04,776 --> 00:12:06,842
This is probably what death feels like.

328
00:12:06,911 --> 00:12:09,879
- Sweet, sweet death.
- Sure.

329
00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:12,357
Now go upstairs
and sleep through the night.

330
00:12:12,393 --> 00:12:14,393
Through the night?

331
00:12:14,493 --> 00:12:16,343
- Yeah, okay, there's no way that's gonna...
- Bup-bup, go.

332
00:12:16,413 --> 00:12:17,663
...gonna happen. Okay.

333
00:12:20,978 --> 00:12:23,210
- Kids, I have gifts!
- Cool!

334
00:12:23,265 --> 00:12:25,061
- I like things.
- Better be good.

335
00:12:25,139 --> 00:12:28,740
Andy, I have the perfect snoring
solution... a sleep sling.

336
00:12:28,768 --> 00:12:30,781
You wear it and it prevents you from
rolling onto your back.

337
00:12:30,805 --> 00:12:34,529
- Awesome.
- Dora, you get a new phone.

338
00:12:34,615 --> 00:12:36,648
What?! Uh, no. I'm sorry,

339
00:12:36,734 --> 00:12:38,333
I said "awesome" way too soon.

340
00:12:38,419 --> 00:12:39,801
Holy God.

341
00:12:39,887 --> 00:12:42,287
Forget everything I've ever said
about you behind your back.

342
00:12:43,290 --> 00:12:44,206
You're not terrible!

343
00:12:44,291 --> 00:12:45,891
- Oh.
- You're okay.

344
00:12:45,926 --> 00:12:48,337
Yay. Well, now you can
watch as many scary movies

345
00:12:48,408 --> 00:12:49,361
at night before bed.

346
00:12:49,416 --> 00:12:51,463
And if you get a nightmare,
just video-blog it

347
00:12:51,515 --> 00:12:52,647
and go right back to sleep.

348
00:12:52,733 --> 00:12:55,233
Oh, it's no snore sling, but whatever.

349
00:12:55,285 --> 00:12:56,668
What about me?

350
00:12:56,754 --> 00:12:58,553
You, my little sweetie,

351
00:12:58,639 --> 00:13:01,490
will never have to call out
for water at night ever again.

352
00:13:01,575 --> 00:13:04,893
Okay, when you're thirsty,
you turn it on. Boop.

353
00:13:04,978 --> 00:13:06,945
When you're done, turn it off. Boop.

354
00:13:06,997 --> 00:13:08,547
You try.

355
00:13:10,050 --> 00:13:12,150
Look at me. I'm a hamster!

356
00:13:12,202 --> 00:13:13,702
I'm the thing I lost!

357
00:13:13,787 --> 00:13:15,220
Good night, hamster.

358
00:13:22,346 --> 00:13:23,895
Did I just sleep through the night?

359
00:13:23,947 --> 00:13:25,480
You sure did.

360
00:13:25,566 --> 00:13:29,201
And guess what. No problems.

361
00:13:29,253 --> 00:13:30,802
Just peace.

362
00:13:30,854 --> 00:13:32,187
Alice style.

363
00:13:32,272 --> 00:13:35,407
Holy hell, you just solved a problem
that's plagued parents for millennia.

364
00:13:35,459 --> 00:13:36,591
No biggie.

365
00:13:36,677 --> 00:13:38,043
Mm.

366
00:13:38,095 --> 00:13:39,277
Something smells great.

367
00:13:39,313 --> 00:13:41,113
Whoa. What are you wearing, buddy?

368
00:13:41,165 --> 00:13:43,048
Oh, it's my snore sling.

369
00:13:43,083 --> 00:13:46,518
When I roll on my back, these
tennis balls dig in real hard

370
00:13:46,570 --> 00:13:47,819
so that I roll back onto my side.

371
00:13:47,905 --> 00:13:49,755
Right. It's also a bra.

372
00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:51,606
- It's a what now?
- It's a woman's brassiere.

373
00:13:51,692 --> 00:13:53,492
You made me wear your bra?

374
00:13:53,577 --> 00:13:55,377
Not mine. Gross.

375
00:13:55,462 --> 00:13:56,878
My mom left it at my place.

376
00:13:56,947 --> 00:14:00,248
I-I'm wearing an old lady's bra?

377
00:14:00,334 --> 00:14:02,267
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. This has to go.

378
00:14:02,302 --> 00:14:03,235
It won't come off.

379
00:14:03,270 --> 00:14:04,402
It's impossible.

380
00:14:04,488 --> 00:14:05,537
It's like elastic can't be solved.

381
00:14:05,572 --> 00:14:07,422
It's a puzzle. Aah!

382
00:14:07,508 --> 00:14:08,557
Ah! This is doubly humiliating,

383
00:14:08,642 --> 00:14:11,243
'cause now it's revealed
my inexperience!

384
00:14:11,278 --> 00:14:13,838
This is a gift that keeps on giving.

385
00:14:13,908 --> 00:14:15,730
Wait, you got her a new phone?

386
00:14:15,816 --> 00:14:17,499
And you can't have it back.

387
00:14:17,584 --> 00:14:19,751
It's for her nightmare video blogs.

388
00:14:19,803 --> 00:14:21,269
You can't give Dora a phone.

389
00:14:21,355 --> 00:14:24,206
That's not an everyday gift.
That's a huge-occasion gift.

390
00:14:24,291 --> 00:14:25,874
Like birthdays or Christmas

391
00:14:25,959 --> 00:14:28,760
or when a grandparent dies
in front of them.

392
00:14:28,846 --> 00:14:31,263
I get a stupid bra,
and you get a frickin' phone?!

393
00:14:31,315 --> 00:14:33,698
- Give it!
- Never! I earned this by doing nothing!

394
00:14:33,767 --> 00:14:35,750
If I knew any of this was part of
your plan, I would have stopped you.

395
00:14:35,836 --> 00:14:37,869
Big picture... everyone
slept through the night.

396
00:14:37,955 --> 00:14:40,472
Even Bunny... she didn't
call out for you once.

397
00:14:40,524 --> 00:14:41,640
Daddy!

398
00:14:41,725 --> 00:14:43,775
This timing can't be good.

399
00:14:43,861 --> 00:14:45,744
I had an accident in my bed.

400
00:14:45,796 --> 00:14:47,412
It's okay, sweetie, it happens.

401
00:14:47,464 --> 00:14:50,015
It's a big accident.

402
00:14:52,603 --> 00:14:55,787
That's one hell of an accident.

403
00:15:00,327 --> 00:15:02,377
Okay, this water could
have come from anywhere.

404
00:15:02,462 --> 00:15:03,461
Got some theories.

405
00:15:03,547 --> 00:15:05,764
Nothing concrete, but...

406
00:15:05,849 --> 00:15:07,482
Good news is I build houses,

407
00:15:07,568 --> 00:15:10,101
so I'll just build a new house.

408
00:15:10,154 --> 00:15:11,770
And I'm in PR. I can...

409
00:15:11,855 --> 00:15:13,738
I can... I got nothing.

410
00:15:13,824 --> 00:15:15,674
I know your heart's in a good place.

411
00:15:15,709 --> 00:15:18,043
Oh, no sentence ever ended well
that starts like that.

412
00:15:18,128 --> 00:15:19,377
It's just, I shouldn't have
let you fix it.

413
00:15:19,429 --> 00:15:20,629
You just made things worse.

414
00:15:20,714 --> 00:15:22,380
Oh, I made things worse?

415
00:15:22,466 --> 00:15:24,182
Well, I didn't set up
the world's first gallon feeder

416
00:15:24,218 --> 00:15:26,101
- for a 6-year-old.
- At least I was trying.

417
00:15:26,186 --> 00:15:27,385
I talked to some women
who sleep in a closet,

418
00:15:27,471 --> 00:15:29,604
and they said that this is not normal.

419
00:15:29,690 --> 00:15:32,224
Oh, women who sleep in closets
gave you parenting advice?

420
00:15:32,309 --> 00:15:33,558
That sounds great.

421
00:15:33,610 --> 00:15:35,310
Well, you coddle the kids.

422
00:15:35,395 --> 00:15:36,978
You are a kid coddler!

423
00:15:37,064 --> 00:15:39,147
And I told you
this is just the way it is.

424
00:15:39,233 --> 00:15:40,649
It's not the way it is.
It's the way you make it.

425
00:15:40,734 --> 00:15:42,234
Oh, so you're saying I'm a bad parent.

426
00:15:42,319 --> 00:15:43,401
You're saying this is my fault?!

427
00:15:43,487 --> 00:15:46,571
No, you're not a bad parent.

428
00:15:46,623 --> 00:15:48,540
You're just Frankenstein.

429
00:15:48,575 --> 00:15:49,791
Oh, so I'm a monster.

430
00:15:49,877 --> 00:15:51,743
- Frankenstein was the doctor.
- Okay.

431
00:15:51,795 --> 00:15:53,607
You clearly don't know that
book, and you clearly don't know

432
00:15:53,646 --> 00:15:54,963
- how to deal with my kids!
- Ben...

433
00:15:55,048 --> 00:15:57,632
I'm sorry, but you
overstepped this time.

434
00:15:58,645 --> 00:16:00,385
Wow.

435
00:16:01,802 --> 00:16:03,833
I can't believe Ben got so upset.

436
00:16:03,896 --> 00:16:06,300
I make one little comment about
his parenting...

437
00:16:06,345 --> 00:16:08,128
- Mm-hmm.
- ...he flies off the handle.

438
00:16:08,206 --> 00:16:10,089
- Uh-huh.
- He is coddling them.

439
00:16:10,159 --> 00:16:12,123
Mm-hmm, I see where you're coming from.

440
00:16:12,178 --> 00:16:14,161
Okay, you're agreeing with me
in a way that clearly states

441
00:16:14,230 --> 00:16:15,680
you don't agree. What's going on?

442
00:16:15,765 --> 00:16:17,615
You said the exact same thing about him.

443
00:16:17,700 --> 00:16:19,433
True, but he can't hear me.

444
00:16:19,502 --> 00:16:20,685
Whose team are you on?

445
00:16:20,770 --> 00:16:22,019
What, are you his imaginary friend now?

446
00:16:22,105 --> 00:16:24,225
Ugh, I'm sorry.
We've never hurt his feelings

447
00:16:24,303 --> 00:16:26,162
like this before.
It's making me feel weird.

448
00:16:26,225 --> 00:16:28,392
Me, too. But it's not fair.

449
00:16:28,478 --> 00:16:30,209
I am kind of right.

450
00:16:30,272 --> 00:16:31,905
Plus, I'm getting no credit
for fixing Dora.

451
00:16:31,940 --> 00:16:34,040
It's because of me she didn't
barge in with nightmares,

452
00:16:34,126 --> 00:16:36,342
as evidenced by her video blog.

453
00:16:36,428 --> 00:16:39,879
<i>There's a horrible blonde succubus
obsessed with Dad.</i>

454
00:16:39,948 --> 00:16:42,015
- What?
- <i>I hate her so much.</i>

455
00:16:42,083 --> 00:16:45,128
<i>She even killed Bunny.</i>

456
00:16:45,821 --> 00:16:47,420
That could mean anything.

457
00:16:47,489 --> 00:16:49,556
But she's definitely talking about you.

458
00:16:49,591 --> 00:16:51,158
Hello?

459
00:16:51,252 --> 00:16:52,514
Hey.

460
00:16:52,708 --> 00:16:53,873
Hey.

461
00:16:53,931 --> 00:16:55,033
I'm sorry.

462
00:16:55,095 --> 00:16:56,129
I got overly defensive

463
00:16:56,180 --> 00:16:57,791
and went a little "mama bear" on you.

464
00:16:57,861 --> 00:16:59,215
I'm sorry, too.

465
00:16:59,301 --> 00:17:01,434
What are you, nuts?
You don't have a reason to be.

466
00:17:01,503 --> 00:17:04,254
You were just trying to help,
and I overreacted.

467
00:17:04,322 --> 00:17:08,274
Look, bottom line is you're right.

468
00:17:08,310 --> 00:17:10,527
I do coddle them.

469
00:17:10,595 --> 00:17:12,762
- Maybe a little.
- It's hard.

470
00:17:12,848 --> 00:17:15,431
After I got divorced,
I just felt so guilty.

471
00:17:15,517 --> 00:17:17,183
And it rocked their world, you know?

472
00:17:17,219 --> 00:17:19,152
And I found myself doing

473
00:17:19,187 --> 00:17:21,403
every little thing I could
to make them feel

474
00:17:21,466 --> 00:17:22,589
just a little bit better.

475
00:17:22,674 --> 00:17:26,609
That's because you're caring and sweet.

476
00:17:26,695 --> 00:17:29,963
But it's been two years.
Your kids are doing great.

477
00:17:30,048 --> 00:17:31,865
It's okay to back off a little.

478
00:17:31,900 --> 00:17:34,918
Here's the thing.
I don't want to let go.

479
00:17:35,003 --> 00:17:37,270
I just love their stupid faces so much.

480
00:17:37,322 --> 00:17:40,039
And when their whiny
little voices call my name,

481
00:17:40,075 --> 00:17:43,059
it melts my heart.

482
00:17:43,144 --> 00:17:44,027
It's magic.

483
00:17:44,112 --> 00:17:46,963
Wow.

484
00:17:47,048 --> 00:17:49,182
Look, I know that all means a lot,

485
00:17:49,267 --> 00:17:51,534
but maybe it's time to start taking

486
00:17:51,620 --> 00:17:55,360
baby steps forward, for everyone's sake.

487
00:17:55,429 --> 00:17:56,660
You're right.

488
00:17:56,711 --> 00:17:57,961
And who better to help me than the woman

489
00:17:58,024 --> 00:17:59,642
who solved Dora's problems?

490
00:18:00,243 --> 00:18:01,742
- Mm-hmm.
- Sell it.

491
00:18:01,832 --> 00:18:03,864
- Mm-hmm!
- Is there more to this story?

492
00:18:03,927 --> 00:18:05,810
- Mm-hmm.
- Do you want to tell me?

493
00:18:05,895 --> 00:18:07,061
- Mnh-mnh.
- Okay.

494
00:18:08,581 --> 00:18:11,082
<i>- I hate her so much.</i>
- You think this is about you?

495
00:18:11,151 --> 00:18:13,017
- Uh, yes.
- Okay, first of all,

496
00:18:13,103 --> 00:18:15,094
I don't dream about you. Gross.

497
00:18:15,147 --> 00:18:16,304
Second of all,

498
00:18:16,389 --> 00:18:18,489
I had this dream when I watched
the movie "Fatal Attraction."

499
00:18:18,525 --> 00:18:20,203
But "blonde succubus"?

500
00:18:20,272 --> 00:18:21,559
Glenn Close.

501
00:18:21,671 --> 00:18:23,144
Oh! "Bunny."

502
00:18:23,229 --> 00:18:25,413
It wasn't our Bunny.
She boils an actual pet bunny!

503
00:18:25,498 --> 00:18:27,665
- Such a good part.
- Ah, thank God.

504
00:18:27,751 --> 00:18:29,684
I mean, it's horrible, but yay.

505
00:18:29,769 --> 00:18:32,337
Ah, all right, now that that's settled,
I'm taking your phone.

506
00:18:32,372 --> 00:18:33,878
- Huh?
- It's time for me

507
00:18:33,925 --> 00:18:35,753
to put my foot down gently and slightly.

508
00:18:35,816 --> 00:18:37,825
- You may not even notice it.
- Okay.

509
00:18:37,911 --> 00:18:39,143
No more scary movies before bed.

510
00:18:39,212 --> 00:18:40,692
And if you ignore that
and get nightmares,

511
00:18:40,746 --> 00:18:42,480
you're on your own.

512
00:18:43,033 --> 00:18:44,315
- This is your fault.
- What?

513
00:18:44,367 --> 00:18:46,801
I take it back. You are Glenn Close.

514
00:18:46,886 --> 00:18:48,019
- You are the succubus.
- Hey.

515
00:18:48,104 --> 00:18:49,654
This isn't Alice's decision. It's mine.

516
00:18:49,739 --> 00:18:52,457
That just makes me mad at both of you!

517
00:18:52,509 --> 00:18:53,758
Love you, too.

518
00:18:53,843 --> 00:18:55,727
- That's not what I said.
- But it's what I heard.

519
00:18:55,812 --> 00:18:56,861
Night, munchkin.

520
00:18:59,632 --> 00:19:00,631
Watch this.

521
00:19:00,684 --> 00:19:03,117
Ba-da-bam! I'm a pro.

522
00:19:03,203 --> 00:19:05,520
Okay, you're gonna start using
your sleep-apnea machine.

523
00:19:05,588 --> 00:19:07,438
No, I look like such a dork.

524
00:19:07,474 --> 00:19:10,191
You can either sleep with
the mask or sleep outside.

525
00:19:10,276 --> 00:19:12,210
Fine, I choose the mask.

526
00:19:12,295 --> 00:19:14,545
At least I'll look like
the guy from "Mad Max."

527
00:19:14,597 --> 00:19:15,930
Here's your training bra.

528
00:19:16,016 --> 00:19:17,482
It's not a training bra.

529
00:19:17,534 --> 00:19:19,467
Well, it was for me.

530
00:19:19,552 --> 00:19:21,903
And a couple of guys
in my history class.

531
00:19:23,189 --> 00:19:25,106
- Oh. Ugh.
- Go wash your hands right now.

532
00:19:28,395 --> 00:19:30,995
Dad! Dad?!

533
00:19:31,081 --> 00:19:32,797
Be strong. You can do this.

534
00:19:32,849 --> 00:19:34,766
- This is a tough one, Alice.
- Dad!

535
00:19:34,851 --> 00:19:36,387
I know she's not dying, but...

536
00:19:36,411 --> 00:19:37,856
- Ben.
- I said I know.

537
00:19:39,289 --> 00:19:40,438
I did it.

538
00:19:40,473 --> 00:19:41,889
I knew you could do it.

539
00:19:41,975 --> 00:19:43,608
Alice!

540
00:19:43,676 --> 00:19:44,826
Did she just call me?

541
00:19:44,911 --> 00:19:45,877
Alice!

542
00:19:45,912 --> 00:19:47,512
Alice is coming!

543
00:19:49,132 --> 00:19:50,064
Hey.

544
00:19:50,150 --> 00:19:52,533
This is different.

545
00:19:58,858 --> 00:20:00,241
Thank you, Alice.

546
00:20:00,326 --> 00:20:02,193
You're welcome, Your Majesty.

547
00:20:02,278 --> 00:20:03,494
Unreal.

548
00:20:03,546 --> 00:20:06,185
All our progress is now out the window.

549
00:20:06,254 --> 00:20:07,598
- Alice?
- Hmm?

550
00:20:07,684 --> 00:20:09,650
Can I get some tucks and a kissy?

551
00:20:13,206 --> 00:20:15,456
Okay, that's not so bad.

552
00:20:15,542 --> 00:20:18,126
And she is so darn cute and snuggly.

553
00:20:18,211 --> 00:20:19,127
Love you.

554
00:20:19,212 --> 00:20:21,749
Wow, that was...

555
00:20:21,848 --> 00:20:23,662
Magic.

556
00:20:32,794 --> 00:20:35,012
- Alice!
- That's me.

557
00:20:38,098 --> 00:20:40,682
- Alice!
- Me, again.

558
00:20:40,768 --> 00:20:42,312
Alice!

559
00:20:43,687 --> 00:20:45,187
Alice!

560
00:20:45,239 --> 00:20:47,022
Winner, winner, chicken dinner.

561
00:20:47,074 --> 00:20:49,182
- Ben...
- Alice! Alice!

562
00:20:50,744 --> 00:20:52,268
- It's you.
- She's calling you.

563
00:20:52,338 --> 00:20:54,196
It's you.

564
00:20:54,281 --> 00:20:56,929
You ever want to have sex ever again?

565
00:20:56,996 --> 00:20:59,144
I'm up.

566
00:20:59,347 --> 00:21:00,687
Not fair.

567
00:21:00,711 --> 00:21:04,411
Synced and corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com